


This is Catfish

by DonnaHaywardsHead



Category: Catfish: The TV Show, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Catfish - Freeform, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Valentine's Day, kiwi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 04:02:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13673874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonnaHaywardsHead/pseuds/DonnaHaywardsHead
Summary: A Galentine's Day gift for Ally based on the following prompt:a CATFISH AU in which louis and harry meet online but.... someone.... is catfishing the other person (be it an accident, a funny mistake, intentional) and they end up on MTV's CATFISH. Niall is Nev and Liam is Max, because duh.





	This is Catfish

**Author's Note:**

> A Galentine's Day gift for Ally based on the following prompt:
> 
> a CATFISH AU in which louis and harry meet online but.... someone.... is catfishing the other person (be it an accident, a funny mistake, intentional) and they end up on MTV's CATFISH. Niall is Nev and Liam is Max, because duh.

**Catfish - /kat fiSH/ - noun –**

**A person who sets up a false personal profile on a social networking site for fraudulent or deceptive purposes**

_Niall (voiceover):_ _For the past six years Liam and I have been travelling the world helping people find out the truth about their online relationships. But in an age where everyone knows everything about everybody, people are getting better and better at hiding the truth, which is why this time around every episode has double the secrets and double the reveals that are going to seriously blow your mind. This is Catfish the TV show._

_Niall opens his laptop._

_Music cue: ‘Trying to Be Cool’ by Pheonix_

Niall: Who have we got today?

_Liam holds a Canon PowerShot up to the screen._

Liam: It looks like we have an email from Harry Styles.

Niall: “Dear Niall and Liam, I’m a 24-year-old small business owner from Holmes Chapel, Cheshire…”

Liam: An entrepreneur. I like it.

Niall: “I run a boutique doggy daycare with my best mate, Nick… Even though I’m young and successful with great friends and a wardrobe to die for, there was something missing. That is until I met my boyfriend Joe Wright, a 6’3” professional football player for the Doncaster Rovers who’s mad about me, supports my career and always makes me laugh. He’s everything I ever dreamed of.”

Liam: Wow.

Niall: “There’s one catch. Joe and I have never met.”

Liam: Dream boyfriend, not so dreamy.

Niall: “Whenever I ask him to FaceTime he comes up with some excuse. He says his teammates are around, or the camera on his phone is broken.” Sound familiar?

Liam: A tale as old as FaceTime.

Niall: “We’ve set up two dates and he’s canceled both at the last minute because he got in a car crash.”

Liam: Why is it always a car crash?

Niall: TWO car crashes. “So I decided to drive to Doncaster and surprise him one day at his match.”

_Niall covers his eyes_

Liam: NO.

Niall: (peeking through his fingers) “I walked up to him on the pitch after the match with a bouquet of flowers and introduced myself.”

Liam: NO.

Niall: “He looked right through me like he didn’t even know who I was.”

Liam: NO.

Niall: “Then he called security.”

Liam: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.   

Niall: “When I texted him about it later that day he was so sorry but he hasn’t come out to his teammates and he panicked. I want to believe him but...”

Liam: Whoa, time out.  

Niall: I mean, Joe could be telling the truth.

Liam: He called security! I guarantee you that bloke has absolutely no idea who Harry is.

Niall: “Can you help me connect with my fearful footballer? Sincerely, Harry from Holmes Chapel.” Alright, we’ve gotta help this guy. To Holmes Chapel.

Liam: To Holmes Chapel!

_Music cue: ‘Until We Get There’ by Lucius_

 

__

 

_Liam and Niall run through Terminal 2 at LAX. Niall flashes the peace sign at the camera. They hop on a train in London. Liam slips on his sleep mask. They drive through Holmes Chapel, pass St Luke’s church and a billboard for Goosfest_

_They pull up to the Sweet Creature Doggy Daycare. Liam is filming out the window with a Canon XF105 camcorder._

_Harry walks out in a floral suit holding a yellow lab puppy and invites them in._

 

 

Harry: Hiya! I’m Harry.

_Unintelligible sounds from Liam._

Niall: Who’s this little fella?

Harry: This here is my charge, Kiwi.

_Kiwi licks the camera lens._

Niall: Nice place you have here.

Harry: Thanks. I run it with my ex-boyfriend, Nick.

_Camera pans to Nick, who sits in a swivel chair, fingers steepled beneath his chin, interviewing a prospective client._

Liam: (arches eyebrow) Interesting. 

Harry: He deals with the owners and I deal with the puppers.

Niall: Is it safe for dogs to eat cupcakes?

_Niall points to a dog licking blue frosting off the floor._

Harry: We also sell baked goods.

Liam: You really put the “sweet” in Sweet Creature. I’ll show myself out.  

Niall: (sniffing the air) So that’s why everything smells like sugar?

Harry: That’s my perfume. 

Niall: Anyway, how long have you been dating Joe Wright? How did it start?

Harry: It’s been three months. We met on Instagram. He left the nicest messages on my posts telling me how cute Kiwi is and then he slid into my DMs to tell me how cute I am… Normally, I wouldn’t respond to a message like that but I fancied him and Nick told me to take a chance. Now we text every day. And night.

Niall: Can I see?

_Harry hands him his phone._

Niall: Wow, these are… graphic.    

Liam: And you didn’t think it was strange that Joe Wright was messaging you from this account when he has a verified account?

Harry: He has a verified account?!

_Liam bangs his head on the table._

Niall: What happened after you went to Joe's football match?

Harry: He apologized for the way he acted and told me he loved me.

Niall: The L word.

Liam: Bold.

Niall: What did you say?

Harry: I told him I would say it back… but only in person.

Liam: Shots fired.

Niall: How did he respond?

Harry: He didn’t text me back.

_Music cue: ‘Everyone Knows’ by Vacationer_

Niall: (puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder) Don't worry, mate, we’ll help you figure this out.

 

_Back at the hotel Niall opens his laptop._

Liam: I bet it’s that Nick bloke. It’s always the ex. He was the one who told Harry to respond to the initial message, remember? Machiavellian really. (shakes his head)  

Niall: Okay, first things first, let’s look up Joe’s number.

_Number comes up as unknown._

Liam: How about his Instagram.

_Shots of football memorabilia and fast food._

Wait! Look at this picture outside the stadium. The blonde in the corner.

_Niall drags image into Google images. A Facebook profile comes up._

Niall: Lottie Tomlinson... Found a number.

Liam: Let’s call her.

 

 

Niall: Hi, Lottie? This is Niall from the MTV show Catfish, how are you?

Lottie: F*** off.

Niall: Right, well, we’re calling because we found a picture of you on Instagram and we’re trying to figure out who that profile belongs to. Do you know a Harry Styles?

Lottie: Never heard of him.

Niall: In the photo you are standing outside of Keepmoat Stadium. Do know who might have taken that picture?

Lottie: Must have been out with twenty people that night. It could have been anyone.

Niall: Any young men who love the Doncaster Rovers?

Lottie: You’ve just described literally everyone I know.

Liam: (in the background) I’m telling you, it’s Nick! Let’s call it a day. There’s still time to go to Goosfest.

Niall: Okay, thank you for your time, Lottie.

Lottie: Wait. Goosfest? Where are you?

Niall: Holmes Chapel, Cheshire.

Lottie: My brother just moved to Holmes Chapel.

Niall: When?

Lottie: Three months ago.

Liam: AHHHHHHHHH.

Niall: What’s your brother’s name?

Lottie: Louis Tomlinson.

 

_Niall and Liam drive back to Sweet Creature Doggy Daycare._

_Music cue: ‘Heartache is a Cold Place’ by A Boy and His Kite_

Niall: So, we’ve found Joe.

Harry: You did!

Liam: Only he’s not Joe.

Harry: (buries face in Kiwi’s fur) Who is he?

Niall: His name is Louis Tomlinson. He's from Doncaster but he moved to Holmes Chapel three months ago.

Liam: Do you know him?

Harry: The name sounds kind of familiar. I’m not sure.

Niall: We’re going to call him and see if he wants to meet.

_Niall puts his phone on speaker and calls Louis._

Niall: Hi Louis? This is Niall from the TV show Catfish, how are you?

Louis: F*** off.

Niall: Right, listen, I have Harry here. I know that the two of you have been talking and that you haven’t been completely honest with him.

_Gay silence._

Niall: Can we maybe pay you a visit and talk about this?

Louis: I’m pretty busy right now.

Niall: Tomorrow.

Louis: I work.

Niall: In the evening? It would mean a lot to Harry.

Louis: (sigh) Okay.   

 

_In the car on the way to see Louis._

_Music cue: ‘Stubborn Love’ by The Lumineers_

Liam: Are you okay?

Harry: Physically I’m fine. Emotionally I’m bruised.

_Standing nervously on Louis’ stoop._

_Chap in a tracksuit opens the door._

 

__

 

Harry: Louis?

Louis: Hi.

Harry: Hi.

Louis: Do you lads want to come in?

_They step inside Louis’ flat, which is littered with Doncaster Rovers memorabilia, including the jersey of defender Joe Wright._

Harry: Why did you lie to me?

Louis: (shrugs) Dunno.

Niall: You’ve been lying to him for three months I think he deserves a better answer.

Louis: (glares at Niall then turns to Harry) I liked you and I wanted to ask you out but I didn’t know how. It was easier to talk to you when you thought I was someone else.

Liam: (whispers) God, this is awkward.

Harry: I didn’t want someone else. I wanted you.

Louis: Well, you’re not exactly approachable.

Harry: Not approachable? I’m just like you.  

Louis: Mate, you’re wearing a cravat.

Niall: (sticking his head in between them ) Does that mean you would be willing to give this relationship a shot?

_Liam holds his breath._

Harry: I don’t know if I can trust him.

_Louis’ shoulders slump._

_Music cue:_ _‘I Am the Antichrist to You’ by Kishi Bashi_

_Harry gets up to leave and then hears a scratch at the kitchen door._

_They all turn to look._

_The door opens._

Harry: Kiwi?

_A Labrador puppy runs out and jumps into Harry’s arms._

_Harry points at Louis._

Harry: You’re—

Louis: Kiwi’s father.

Liam: WHAAAAAT.

Niall: Incredible. What a twist. We’ve never seen anything like this in the entire history of the show.

Louis: That’s when I first saw you, when I was dropping Kiwi off at Sweet Creature for her first day of daycare.

Harry: Kiwi’s my favorite dog at the daycare!

Louis: I know. She comes home smelling like your perfume every night.

Niall: Do you two maybe want to grab a cupcake and talk this out?

_Harry and Louis look at each other and nod._

 

_Liam and Niall in the car on the way to the hotel._

Niall: I did not see that coming.

Liam: Kiwi Tomlinson, MVP!

Niall: Do you think they’ll be able to work it out?

Liam: Not a chance.

 

_Three months later._

Niall: Okay, let’s check in and see how Harry’s doing.

_Skypes Harry._

Harry: Hi lads!

Niall & Liam: Hi Harry!

Niall: So tell us, how have things been with you since we last met?

Harry: Good. Business has taken off and… I’m in a relationship.

Liam: STOP IT.   

_Louis pops into the frame and waves._

Niall & Liam: F*** off!

_Kiwi walks up to the laptop and licks the camera._

Niall: Kiwi!

Liam: Hey girl. 

Niall: I’m thrilled for you guys. You’re one big happy family.

_Harry and Louis exchange a conspiratorial look._

Harry: Our family might have gotten a little bigger.

_A chocolate lab puppy walks into the frame._

Liam: GET OUT.

Harry & Louis: Meet Carolina!

_Harry and Louis kiss._

_Music cue: 'Love is Beginning' by Imaginary Future_

_Roll credits._

_Next time on Catfish…_

 

 


End file.
